I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
