I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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