I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
