Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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