he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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