There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
