also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
