she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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