the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
