I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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