i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
