You just made me feel so damn special
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
