..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
