I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
