she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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