if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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