I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
how drunk are you?
Several
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
