I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
