Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
