i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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