Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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