Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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