I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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