I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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