i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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