i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
