she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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