i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The air was thick with penises
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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