I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
