now i know why i became what i already was.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
