I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
