My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
