yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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