Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
