well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
