I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I want her autograph on my taint
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
