How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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