He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
