i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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