My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
