Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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