she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
