We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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