My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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