My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
