I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
