Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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