Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
