when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
