i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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