drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
