The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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