Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
