Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
