Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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